a e i o u

Wed, 16 Aug 2006 12:45:57 GMT

NEW JOURNAL NEW JOURNAL NEW JOURNAL NEW JOURNAL ADD IT ADD IT ADD IT ADD IT ADD IT ADD IT molluskkmolluskkmolluskk

Mon, 14 Aug 2006 15:42:55 GMT

new journal.
molluskk
if you're interested.

Thu, 10 Aug 2006 15:09:06 GMT

I got binders and notebooks for school yesterday. So exciting, it's so fucking exciting.

boy do i feel great

Mon, 07 Aug 2006 14:49:01 GMT

My glands are so swollen that either way I turn my head I can feel them putting pressure on my carotid artery. My throat is so sore that it hurts to open my mouth, but I have to open my mouth to breathe because, although I do not have a stuffy nose, breathing through my nose doesn't allow enough oxygen because my tonsils/throat are so huge. I don't know if I can take my pills this morning which will really suck because then on top of being horrifically ill I'll feel horrifically paranoid and indecisive. I'm very tired, but every time I lay down to go to sleep I can never fall asleep because I can't get comfortable because everything hurts. Luckily I'll go to the doctor's office today, where I will wait for 45 minutes in the sick waiting room so I'll get every other germ out there and then I'll finally get called into an exam room, where I will wait for 45 more minutes and listen to crying children and 7 year old boys puke. I feel like shit and have never felt this horrible and I think if I felt any worse I would shrivel up and die because this is awful and I want to go to sleep

Fri, 04 Aug 2006 21:06:09 GMT

maybe if anyone ever wanted to hang out with me i would have more of an incentive to take showers

Fri, 04 Aug 2006 17:40:50 GMT

last night I went to the toledo indie pop fest. it was cute, although i couldn't stay to see The Smittens, but I did get to see Math the Band which was hilarious and awesome and I hope he comes around some other time. I got all the fucking school papers in the mail, this is depressing I don't want to go back to school. I just have to get through this year. my senior year will be easy. and I just have to keep reminding myself that after the first day of school this year I am more than 50% finished with highschool. I had my first drive time this morning, it was awful. The woman with whom I drove listened to the Johnny D morning show the whole time and for 2 hours I had to listen to jokes about Lance Bass and other sophomoric commentaries on recent events, society, etc. while this fat bitch released short snorts of laughter every once in a while. She was probably in her late 20s. At one point she said "all right, we're gonna pull into mcdonald's 'cause i have to smoke." My mother paid $350 for driving school, which included 8 hours of time with driving instructors on the road, and she's wasting my time smoking marlboro menthols IN A MCDONALD'S PARKING LOT. in other news, my neck has been killing me for the past week and a half. it feels like someone stuck a twig between the top vertebrae of my neck and my skull, so i got a bonus tension headache with my neck twig. my glands are swollen too, i probably have meningitis, although those symptoms set in very quickly and if you don't get treatment right away you're dead meat in a matter of days. you know, i've been thinking more and more about becoming a pathologist. since i love diseases so much and everything, i'd just get to sit around and find new diseases and see what they do, although i don't think that career is a very good one for a hypochondriac. what's even more interesting than regular diseases are ANCIENT DISEASES OAMGALJSDF;LASJ but unfortunately there isn't a huge demand for cryptopathologists in the world today. i guess I'll stick with the artsy shit that my glasses want me to study.

seriously

Thu, 03 Aug 2006 21:15:05 GMT

no more sex

Sat, 29 Jul 2006 17:30:40 GMT

hey today I am all motivated to get things done but my mom had to work today so I can't get anywhere and it is too hot to walk so instead I'm sitting at home wanting to do things and not being able to do them. maybe i will just walk anyway even though it is at least 600 degrees.

I got this Broadcast album "Tender Buttons," it's really great. I'm starting to like hearing music again.

Sun, 23 Jul 2006 02:36:15 GMT

HAIL SATAN@!!!!@!@$!%^HAIL HAIL

Sat, 22 Jul 2006 23:48:33 GMT

(Click here to post your own answers for this meme.)

✓ I miss somebody right now.	✓ I don't watch much TV these days.	✓ I own lots of books.
✓ I wear glasses or contact lenses.	✓ I love to play video games. (SNES plzzz)	✓ I've tried marijuana.
✓ I've watched porn movies.	× I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.	× I believe honesty is usually the best policy. (no policy.)
✓ I curse sometimes.	✓ I have changed a lot mentally over the last year. (i suppose)	× I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.

* * * * *

× I have broken someone's bones.	✓ I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.	× I hate the rain.
✓ I'm paranoid at times.	✓ I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free. (nose job)	✓ I need/want money right now.
✓ I love sushi.	× I talk really, really fast.	× I have fresh breath in the morning.
× I have long hair.	× I have lost money in Las Vegas.	× I have at least one sibling.
× I was born in a country outside of the U.S.	✓ I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.	× I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
× I like the way that I look.	✓ I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months.	✓ I am usually pessimistic.
✓ I have a lot of mood swings.	× I think prostitution should be legalized.	× I slept with a roommate.
× I have a hidden talent.	× I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.	× I have a lot of friends.
✓ I have pecked someone of the same sex.	× I enjoy talking on the phone.	× I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
✓ I love to shop and/or window shop.	× I'm obsessed with my Xanga or Livejournal.	× I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
✓ I have a mobile phone.	× I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.	✓ I've rejected someone before.
✓ I currently like/love someone.	× I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.	× I want to have children in the future.
✓ I have changed a diaper before.	× I've called the cops on a friend before.	× I'm not allergic to anything.
✓ I have a lot to learn.	✓ I am shy around the opposite sex.	× I'm online 24/7, even as an away message.
✓ I have at least 5 away messages saved.	✓ I have tried alcohol or drugs before.	× I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past.
× I own the "South Park" movie.	× I have avoided assignments at work/school to be on Xanga or Livejournal.	× I enjoy some country music.
× I would die for my best friends.	✓ I'm obsessive, and often a perfectionist.	× I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
× I think Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.	× I have dated a close friend's ex.	× I am happy at this moment.
× I'm obsessed with guys.	× Democrat.	× Republican.
× I don't even know what I am.	× I am punk rockish.	✓ I go for older guys/girls, not younger.
× I study for tests most of the time.	× I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.	× I can work on a car.
× I love my job(s).	✓ I am comfortable with who I am right now.	× I have more than just my ears pierced.
× I walk barefoot wherever I can.	× I have jumped off a bridge.	✓ I love sea turtles.
× I spend ridiculous amounts of money on makeup.	× I plan on achieving a major goal/dream.	✓ I am proficient on a musical instrument.
× I hate office jobs.	× I went to college out of state.	× I am adopted.
× I am a pyro.	✓ I have thrown up from crying too much.	× I have been intentionally hurt by people that I loved.
× I fall for the worst people.	× I adore bright colours.	× I usually like covers better than originals.
✓ I hate chain theme restaurants like Applebees and TGIFridays.	✓ I can pick up things with my toes.	× I can't whistle.
✓ I have ridden/owned a horse.	✓ I still have every journal I've ever written in.	✓ I talk in my sleep.
× I've often thought that I was born in the wrong century.	× I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.	× I wear a toe ring.
× I have a tattoo.	× I can't stand at LEAST one person that I work with.	✓ I am a caffeine junkie.
× I am completely tree-huggy spiritual, and I'm not ashamed at all.	× If I knew I would get away with it, I would commit at least one murder.	✓ I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical, the better.
✓ I enjoy a nice glass of wine with dinner.	× I'm an artist.	× I am ambidextrous.
× I sleep with so many stuffed animals, I can hardly fit on my bed.	× If it weren't for having to see other people naked, I'd live in a nudist colony.	× I have terrible teeth.
✓ I hate my toes.	✓ I did this meme even though I wasn't tagged by the person who took it before me.	× I have more friends on the internet than in real life.
× I have lived in either three different states or countries.	× I am extremely flexible.	× I love hugs more than kisses.
× I want to own my own business.	× I smoke.	✓ I spend way too much time on the computer than on anything else.
✓ Nobody has ever said I'm normal.	✓ Sad movies, games, and the like can cause a trickle of tears every now and then.	× I am proficient in the use of many types of firearms and combat weapons.
× I like the way women look in stylized men's suits.	✓ I don't like it when people are unpleased or seem unpleased with me.	✓ I have been described as a dreamer or likely to have my head up in the clouds.
× I have played strip poker with someone else before.	✓ I have had emotional problems for which I have sought professional help.	× I believe in ghosts and the paranormal.
× I can't stand being alone.	✓ I have at least one obsession at any given time.	✓ I weigh myself, pee/poo, and then weigh myself again.
× I consistently spend way too much money on obsessions-of-the-moment.	✓ I'm a judgmental asshole.	× I'm a HUGE drama-queen.
× I have travelled on more than one continent.	× I sometimes wish my father would just disappear.	× I need people to tell me I'm good at something in order to feel that I am.
× I am a Libertarian.	✓ I can speak more than one language.	✓ I can fall asleep even if the whole room is as noisy as it can be.
× I would rather read than watch TV.	× I like reading fact more than fiction.	✓ I have pulled an all-nighter on an assignment I was given a month to do.
× I have no piercings.	× I have spent the night in a train station or other public place.	× I have been so upset over my physical gender that I cried.
× I once spent Christmas completely alone because there was a miscommunication on which parent was supposed to have me that night.	× There have been times when I have wondered "Why was I born?" and may/may not have cried over it.	✓ I like most animals better than most people.
× I own a collection of retro games consoles.	× The thought of physical exercise makes me shiver.	× I have hit someone with a dead fish.
× I am compulsively honest.	× I was born with a congenital birth defect that has never been repaired.	× I have danced topless in front of dozens of complete strangers.
× I have gone from wishing I was a girl to revelling in being a boy to feeling like a girl again in the span of five minutes, and not cared a whit for my actual sex.	× I am unashamedly bisexual, and have different motivations for my desires for different genders.	× I sometimes won't sleep a whole night or eat a whole day because I forget to.
× I find it impossible to get to sleep without some kind of music on.	× I dislike milk.	× I obsessively wash my hands.
× I always carry something significant around with me.	× Sometimes I'd rather wear a wig in day-to-day life than use my own hair.	✓ I've pushed myself to become more self-aware and thereby more aware of others.
× Even though I live on my own I still cry sometimes because I miss my mother.	× I hand wrote all the HTML tags in this document.	✓ I've liked something which a majority of people claimed was either bad or weird.
× I have been clinically dead for a brief period of time.	× Instead of feeling sympathy/empathy with people and their problems, I simply become annoyed.	× I participate/have participated in auto drag races and won.
× I do not 'get' most comedy acts.	✓ I don't think strippers are money-greedy or slutty for dancing.	× I don't like to chew gum.
✓ I am obsessed with history/historical things and can't wait for someone to build a time machine so I can be the first to use it. (THE PLAGUE)	× I can never remember for the life of me where I parked the car.	✓ I had the TEEN ANGST thing going for at least 2-3 years.
✓ I wish people would be more empathic and honest with each other.	× I play Dungeons and Dragons weekly.	✓ I love to sing.
× I want to live in my mother's basement when I grow up.	× I have a custom-built computer.	× I want to create a certain someone's babies, even though there's a 0% possiblity of ever achieving it.
× I would be in a relationship with one of my pets if they were human.	× I've gone skinny-dipping.	✓ I've performed in three plays.
× I enjoy burritos.	× I'm Irish and loving it.	× I have a thing for redheads.
× I am a twin!	✓ Most of the times, I'd rather do something intellectual instead of doing something generically 'fun'.	× Once I set out to finish something, I always stay at it until it is completed before I move on to something else.
× I wish there were a way to erase past mistakes.	✓ I sleep more than 12 hours a day. (i can)	✓ I wish I could be prouder of what I've accomplished, but it's never enough.
✓ I need more time to myself.	× I wish I was more open-minded.	× I hope that I go really prematurely grey.
✓ I download songs from the internet.	× I've just reenacted chapter 58 of Death Note with my best friend.	× I say random things to freak people out.
× I'm still a little mad about the ending of Death Note.	✓ I love playing Truth or Dare.	× I love listening to slow music, but I hate singing to it.
× Music helps me remember that I am not alone.	× Playing my favorite sport makes me temporarily forget my problems.	× I think this survey is particularly long.
× I prefer my LJ friends to my real-life ones.	× I can only hate someone that I love.	× I've ordered an extra two shots of espresso to an Americano at Starbucks.

Thu, 20 Jul 2006 14:09:09 GMT

why does tyra banks have a talk show, seriously.
i guess the better question is "why do I watch it"
I started reading The Grapes of Wrath last week... It's an outstanding book. Really killer.

Mon, 17 Jul 2006 14:29:13 GMT

hey well i quit my job at subway. no, i don't have another job lined up. that was pretty dumb. unfortunately, i am not as excited for school to start as I was last summer. I don't know why, I hope I get pumped though because this is a big year. yikes. i've been so inspired lately by everything that it's hard to do anything about it, i just want to explode. i don't have time to sit down and draw it out or really make things how I want them to look so I just take a picture instead but it's not as satisfying. i miss... well i thought it would be appropriate to say I miss something now, but I don't really miss anything. i need to lose some fucking weight i'm really porking out again, sick. not that i'm stunningly beautiful or anything, but if I lost enough weight i could get some pictures done and do print modeling or something.. i mean i think i'm attractive enough to get a little work and make a little money that I can save for college, plus if I started modeling it would give me reason to stop eating 4 waffles with a ton of butter for breakfast each morning, although this morning I had 2 waffles with an above average amount of butter (less than a ton) and 2 kiwis. I love kiwi, it's so delicious. I actually just love fruit. I think if I just eat fruit and vegetables all the time I will lose weight, which is supposedly what I do, right, since I'm a vegetarian... my diet is so based on carbohydrates and they're making me ugly. I really wish I didn't care about being beautiful and wanting other people to be beautiful and wanting to be around beautiful people all the time.. i think that is so stupid, i mean who am I to say who is beautiful and who is not, you know, i mean we're all just hanging out, but I find myself thinking about beauty so much lately, and fashion as well, where the fuck did that come from I mean I think the fashion industry is unnecessary and stupid but I find myself drooling over Kenneth Cole shoes, etc, and I just love Kenneth Cole, isn't that stupid, and then I talk about modeling and how possibly i could make a few extra dollars for college and then I talk about how the fashion industry is unnecessary... I mean everyone is a hypocrite. i'll be the first to admit that I'm a huge hypocrite and I don't like being like that, but I have a set of ideas and I love my ideas and then there are the facts that you need to live, etc. not saying that you need fashion to live but you do need money and when you don't really have any really useful math skills you will never succeed in the business world unless you're beautiful. i want to hang on to the dreams that I used to have about you know, equality and honesty but do those things even exist in America today? i mean people think they're telling the truth but everyone has hidden motives you know, they might not even know it but no one is really anyone anymore, it's like mashed potatoes, except each individual potato you put in there is fighting with another potato and they forget they're just mashed potatoes, maybe with some butter and a touch of salt or something. I don't know I'm really not making any sense any more and please forgive me for writing such a long and rambling entry but I just really want to get out of here and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and

Mon, 10 Jul 2006 20:23:20 GMT

Today I applied for jobs at various places, including Rite Aid. I went to the library and checked out a book of short stories by Roald Dahl entitled "Ah, Sweet Mystery of Life." I intend to begin reading it soon. On my way home I was approached by a 40-something male driving a champagne coloured sebring convertible, probably c.1996... He rolled down his window and raised his eyebrows and said "Hey little girl, it's hot out today, would you like a ride?" I said "No thanks," and continued my walk home. I was very nervous that he would follow me. I talked to joe for such a long time yesterday about being afraid of things like that and I finally just said to myself "you know what zoe, you live in a suburb and chances are you probably won't get raped in your life" and then I get asked if I want a ride by greasy 40-something men driving sebrings. This is why I panic! This is why I say they are after me, because they are. I see my psychiatrist('s toupee) tomorrow morning at 7:30. Too bad the only solution he'll have is more p-zac. I sound like such a typical troubled teen! I swear to god though, I'm really not troubled.

Mon, 10 Jul 2006 01:28:23 GMT

alright so I've really become a hermit. last night I was invited to go to a party and I didn't go because I didn't want to be disappointed when I got there that there would be no drugs or alcohol. that's the only reason why I want to go anywhere, unless I'm with close friends and I don't even know if I have those anymore. the more time I spend alone the more I like being alone. Joe is my social life and I love him and I love spending time with him, I don't mind having him be my whole social life, but I don't know how much more of me he can take. I mean I feel like a guy like him shouldn't love me because I love him so much, it just blows my mind that he still wants to spend time with me.
I used to go to parties with the small beam of hope in the back of my head "well maybe SOMEONE will have drugs" or maybe I will see someone at that party who is going to another party with drugs but last night I didn't even bother. I just don't care about spending time with these people, or anyone who is not very close to me for that matter. And I was talking about this with Joe today, he asked me something like "well maybe you're not taking the time to know who these people are" and I said "I don't care who they are" which is a flat out lie, I mean I think it's great for people to be someone but I want to know who they are from a distance. I'd like to go to a party where I have never met anyone before and ask people who they are and stand back and watch them but I don't really feel the need to interact with "friends" that I don't truly love. Strangers are okay. Soulmates are okay. But I don't want any grey area.

I guess that's a little irrational.

Sun, 09 Jul 2006 02:40:13 GMT

hey just letting everyone know that I hate everything

Sun, 02 Jul 2006 02:42:15 GMT

Well this past week was spent at string camp at BGSU. I sat second chair in the top orchestra and also second chair in the combined orchestra, first chair was some boy from detroit who is crazy, but anyway, second out of 18 cellists is pretty good and I'm proud. Dr. Alan Smith, the cello professor at BG, told my orchestra director from school that I am "the kind of student teachers dream of" which really made me happy, you know, having that come from an internationally known (and highly, highly respected) cellist. He can't start private lessons with me this summer, we have to wait until fall, because he has to tour Greece teaching master classes and performing with various symphonies. I think this is a good opportunity for me. I hope this is a good opportunity for me. I hate being so goddamn ambitious.

Sat, 24 Jun 2006 16:29:55 GMT

hey so what's the nicest way to quit a job

tomorrow i leave for STRING CAMP omads;glka i'm not excited because i have to share a (non-air conditioned) dorm room with someone else that I don't know

Wed, 14 Jun 2006 21:53:13 GMT

I applied for another job today at a dry cleaning facility. They are called "A Touch of Class." They use environmentally friendly cleaning products, I guess, which is nice of them, but I really hope I can snag this job and quit subway because of a couple reasons: they close at 6:30 on weeknights and 3 on saturday as opposed to subway closing at 10 every day of the week, and this dry cleaning place isn't even open on sunday, which is good, because I always have a lot of concerts on sundays for cello activities and the like. Also, there is a nice little desk in the back where I could sit and be merry. and I will have to sew, which is something I need to do more. plus, this is a family owned business so hopefully they'll be a little less rigid about hours and stuff because my schedule is always so crazy... eh I guess we'll see what happens. i miss my boyfriend

Tue, 13 Jun 2006 01:18:47 GMT

I just listened to Sung Tongs for the first time in too long. This album will always remind me of last summer riding my bike and developing an appreciation for nice weather and bugs. Speaking of appreciating bugs, I haven't seen The Carpenter Bee in a few days... She came around almost every day for about 2 weeks, then left, then came back with a man. They stuck around for about 2 days. I saw her one day last week, but that was it. I kind of miss looking for her when I'm approaching the driveway and getting kind of nervous. She really liked one spot on my garage, about 2 feet to the right of the lightbulb we turn on at night. I always saw her buzzing in and out of that little crevice. I was very scared of her for a long time but I warmed up after learning that carpenter bees, although ominous in appearance, are docile creatures and don't really sting people at all, even if you get in their way. They make their nests in wood, which is actually just a little tube they eat away, and live alone. After a day of thinking about this creature, I decided we could be friends, or at least she could know that I don't want to hurt her. I want animals to feel safe when they see me, I just want them to know I have no intention of hurting anyone. I wish they knew

Sat, 10 Jun 2006 16:42:55 GMT

yes i hate my job. i hate my job so much. i think i'm going to try and snag a job at this art/interior design gallery/studio my cousin opened... that would be so nice. i just feel so out of place at Subway. My manager is the kind of 20-something who goes to bars every night with her boyfriend who has a tatoo around his arm and a lip piercing and wears tight black tank tops and then she brings in her digital camera and shows everyone her pictures and she's like "dude look at how blonde my hair looks in this pic" and they talk about tanning and working out. Then i'm just like some hermit crab that works there... and I am so not graceful about anything, especially taking garbage bags off the role and you know I'll laugh at myself to let them know that I know how ridiculous I am and they just have no sense of humor about anything except their own little party lives and it is just so awful. I can't stand it. I hate it. It's minimum wage.

Tue, 06 Jun 2006 19:10:00 GMT

heyyy well totally got a D on my macbeth final test in english.. very disappointed in myself. however I did get a B on my final essay, which was nice to see. i spent a lot of time on it and really put a lot of thought into it. personally, i think it deserved at least an A, possibly an H, but my teacher is very hung up on formatting and all of those types of things and I am really just not good at things like that! i dropped AP american literature for next year so I can take honors french III instead.... and take regular american lit and not have a lunch. whatever. next year is my junior year and I'm going to work my ass off regardless. on may 28th I broke my 4 month no-drug policy and smoked marijuana. actually just pure marijuana resin. it felt so good. so fucking good. in other news, I hate my job. i hate sandwiches and sneezeguards. I hate mopping floors! but on the lighter side, I will be giving private cello lessons this summer... hahaha so far I have one student. he is going into 8th grade and he is having trouble reading music. this should be interesting, seeing as how I don't even remember learning how to read music because I was so young when it happened. $6/half hour, folks, no experience necessary.

Sat, 27 May 2006 04:00:11 GMT

i got a job at subway. fuck cold cuts.

i'm feeling sinister.

Sat, 20 May 2006 14:28:52 GMT

well I have to play a wedding today, I'm not excited about it seeing as how I was informed of this endeavor about 2 weeks ago and I didn't know what music I was playing until about last week... last night was the rehearsal thing and it was awful but I don't really care because I'M NOT GETTING PAID and I don't even know these people. I'm pissed I got myself into this because that is like 4 hours that I could have with my darling boyfriend. ah;hfjkh we spent some time last night. it was great. i think today after my thing we're going to take some blankets to the park and lay around. it's so nice outside

Thu, 18 May 2006 00:01:29 GMT

my darling boyfriend is coming home this weekend. and next weekend. i'm so happy.

Sat, 13 May 2006 20:58:51 GMT

i just want to smoke a fucking bowl. seriously